summer camp.

Last week marked the end of a four-week stay in Ann Arbor where I took classes in social science research methods as part of a graduate summer program. The trip was an important part of my journey in living with anxiety and healing my relationship with school. Not only am I insecure when it comes … Continue reading summer camp.

momentous.

I often get lost in big-picture thinking, but, if my ongoing recovery process has taught me anything, it's that the small actions are what counts. For me, these fall in to two categories: the small, repetitive, everyday actions (eat well, exercise, work, etc.) , and the small, spontaneous actions. The latter is where I really … Continue reading momentous.

time.

I believe that the bravest thing I can do as an anxious person is to be accepting of uncertainty and open to ambiguity. The passage of time and the uncertainty that comes with it is a source of anxiety for many highly sensitive types, myself included. The five-week gap between the end of my spring … Continue reading time.

triggers.

This past week I had a good conversation with someone about triggers and eating disorders. It made me realize (for the umpteenth time!) just how different everyone's journey with an ED can be. There is no one set of symptoms that everyone shares. There is no meal plan that works for everyone. There is no … Continue reading triggers.

the cake.

"She just doesn't like it." These words were said when I passed on a piece of cake at a recent birthday dinner I attended. And to be honest, it's why for years I always stayed home from birthday dinner outings. Recently, I shared -- quite excitedly -- with my husband about how proud I was … Continue reading the cake.

one word.

At the beginning of 2019, my pastor preached a series of sermons that centered around choosing one word to cling to this year. After choosing one word, he encouraged us to choose one Bible verse, one thought, and one statement that were all tied to that one word. I like directed activity, especially as it … Continue reading one word.

tapestry.

I was pretty angry towards God and pretty bitter towards his world. How could a loving God blind me? Why? Anyway, [he, the priest, said] God's plan is like a beautiful tapestry, and the tragedy of being human is that we only get to see it from the back, with all the ragged threads and … Continue reading tapestry.

resolve.

Last week I got a new tattoo. Some tattoos I have simply because they are pretty or represent something I like. Other tattoos have deeper, subtler, often very personal meanings behind them. This new ink involved the latter. If you've been reading the blog, or know my story in any capacity, you're aware that I … Continue reading resolve.

the velveteen rabbit.

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes … Continue reading the velveteen rabbit.

hi, i’m tamara.

"What does it feel like?" he asked, while we hiked along Bear's Den through the pine needles and summer humidity. Strange. We'd only been friends for about 2 hours and 45 minutes, but I'd already told him some of my darkest secrets. Hesitating while I searched for the right words, I realized he was the … Continue reading hi, i’m tamara.