support.

I just finished season 3 of 13 Reasons Why. I know there's a ton of people out there who are against the show (and novel) and would like to see it banned. However, I am firmly in the camp of people that values popular media that is willing to make us uncomfortable in order to draw … Continue reading support.

spirit.

As I wrote last week, I've been feeling overwhelmed and anxious and stressed as of late, and it's really been taking a toll on me mentally and physically. I know I haven't been in a good place, so I'm really working on improving my current way of being. Some seasons in life are just hard. … Continue reading spirit.

burnout.

Lately I've felt like a body of anxiety. Mentally, I've been overthinking, over-stressing, and obsessing over every little thing. Physically, I get headaches, stomachaches, and cold sweats. Emotionally, I'm irritable and push everyone away. Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash It happens sometimes. And usually there's not just one big cause. It's when I let a bunch of things … Continue reading burnout.

hi, i’m bela.

I don't want to do this. Even as I am writing this, my hands are shaking, my mind is racing, and my heart is fluttering. I don't want people to know this side of me. I don't want to let my guard down. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want to be vulnerable. … Continue reading hi, i’m bela.

head meets heart.

Last month was Men's Health Month. Statistically, it is estimated that 1 in 10 men struggle with mental illness. However, men's diagnoses often go undiagnosed, as men are more likely to ignore or downplay their emotional wellbeing, rather than seek counsel and acceptance. The stigma against expressing their deepest feelings is so strong that men choose … Continue reading head meets heart.

honor.

I started doing yoga a little over a year ago. Before then, I had written off yoga as something that wasn't for me, mostly because the only people I knew who did it were self-righteous chardonnay-drinking soccer moms from my neighborhood. I thought yoga was an inadequate substitute for real exercise, and I was skeptical … Continue reading honor.

litany.

by Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930), from The Prayer Book for Jesuits, 1963.O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.From the desire of being esteemed,Deliver me, Jesus. From the desire of being loved...From the desire of being extolled ...From the desire of being honored ...From the desire of being praised ...From the desire of being … Continue reading litany.

story of a body.

In crafting the first part of my narrative, I am unsure whether to make it a story about anorexia specifically. While anorexia is a disorder that controlled most of my teenage years and may have left me with permanent health problems, I choose to see it as symptomatic of the complexities of teenage anxiety, the … Continue reading story of a body.

tapestry.

I was pretty angry towards God and pretty bitter towards his world. How could a loving God blind me? Why? Anyway, [he, the priest, said] God's plan is like a beautiful tapestry, and the tragedy of being human is that we only get to see it from the back, with all the ragged threads and … Continue reading tapestry.

on change and aloneness.

My first year of graduate school ended this week. After returning some library books and meeting with my mentor, I headed back to my car congratulating myself on a successful year, but unable to shake a growing cold feeling in my stomach. In a few weeks, I head out to an academic summer camp at … Continue reading on change and aloneness.