keep yourself in love.

I tend to be pessimistic and self-deprecating. I tend to think in terms of "the next disaster." I tend to assume things are going to fall apart. Somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to grow hard. While this attitude isn't a mental illness, it can certainly be exacerbated by having conditions like chronic anxiety … Continue reading keep yourself in love.

the cake.

"She just doesn't like it." These words were said when I passed on a piece of cake at a recent birthday dinner I attended. And to be honest, it's why for years I always stayed home from birthday dinner outings. Recently, I shared -- quite excitedly -- with my husband about how proud I was … Continue reading the cake.

on change and aloneness.

My first year of graduate school ended this week. After returning some library books and meeting with my mentor, I headed back to my car congratulating myself on a successful year, but unable to shake a growing cold feeling in my stomach. In a few weeks, I head out to an academic summer camp at … Continue reading on change and aloneness.

the velveteen rabbit.

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes … Continue reading the velveteen rabbit.

hi, i’m tamara.

"What does it feel like?" he asked, while we hiked along Bear's Den through the pine needles and summer humidity. Strange. We'd only been friends for about 2 hours and 45 minutes, but I'd already told him some of my darkest secrets. Hesitating while I searched for the right words, I realized he was the … Continue reading hi, i’m tamara.

neda week.

National Eating Disorder Awareness week (February 25 to March 3) is an interesting time for those of us with eating disorders. A lot of people "come out." A lot of people share recovery stories. A lot of people talk to their friends and family members about signs that they have an ED. A lot of … Continue reading neda week.

a not so welcome surprise.

Last Saturday I had plans to join in a D&D [Dungeons and Dragons] one-shot with friends. It was Christmas themed. I had designed my favorite character yet and really invested in her backstory and skills. I had a Christmas sweater, a festive hat, and I had planned a bunch of holiday treats to bring. I … Continue reading a not so welcome surprise.