filling up.

PTSD is something that most people associate with veterans. If it's not talked about in relationship to vets or severe trauma, it's sometimes just joked about in a very lighthearted manner (which is problematic yes, but that's not what I'm going to focus on here). The truth is, however, that PTSD can affect any and … Continue reading filling up.

testimony.

When I was four, I accepted Christ as my personal Savior. I grew up in church, and from Sunday School to Youth Group, we were always working on writing, memorizing, and sharing our testimony. Over the years, it changed somewhat, but there was always a pattern that went something like this: I accepted Christ at … Continue reading testimony.

spirit.

As I wrote last week, I've been feeling overwhelmed and anxious and stressed as of late, and it's really been taking a toll on me mentally and physically. I know I haven't been in a good place, so I'm really working on improving my current way of being. Some seasons in life are just hard. … Continue reading spirit.

trust and obey.

When Michael and I moved a few weeks ago, we sold most of our stuff. We kept our books (obvi) and some clothes and kitchen stuff, etc., but we sold all of our couches and chairs and our kitchen table -- so the big stuff. As we're starting to (slowly) furnish the house, it's quite … Continue reading trust and obey.

hi, i’m bela.

I don't want to do this. Even as I am writing this, my hands are shaking, my mind is racing, and my heart is fluttering. I don't want people to know this side of me. I don't want to let my guard down. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want to be vulnerable. … Continue reading hi, i’m bela.

summer camp.

Last week marked the end of a four-week stay in Ann Arbor where I took classes in social science research methods as part of a graduate summer program. The trip was an important part of my journey in living with anxiety and healing my relationship with school. Not only am I insecure when it comes … Continue reading summer camp.

momentous.

I often get lost in big-picture thinking, but, if my ongoing recovery process has taught me anything, it's that the small actions are what counts. For me, these fall in to two categories: the small, repetitive, everyday actions (eat well, exercise, work, etc.) , and the small, spontaneous actions. The latter is where I really … Continue reading momentous.

keep yourself in love.

I tend to be pessimistic and self-deprecating. I tend to think in terms of "the next disaster." I tend to assume things are going to fall apart. Somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to grow hard. While this attitude isn't a mental illness, it can certainly be exacerbated by having conditions like chronic anxiety … Continue reading keep yourself in love.

slowly.

Slow is a really hard word for me to practice. I like going, going, going -- marking things off, and feeling my anxiety about the once un-did thing dissipate, just to be replaced by something else. Moving cross-country is hard. Starting a new job is hard. These are both very involved processes, where there are … Continue reading slowly.

head meets heart.

Last month was Men's Health Month. Statistically, it is estimated that 1 in 10 men struggle with mental illness. However, men's diagnoses often go undiagnosed, as men are more likely to ignore or downplay their emotional wellbeing, rather than seek counsel and acceptance. The stigma against expressing their deepest feelings is so strong that men choose … Continue reading head meets heart.