hi, i’m bela.

I don't want to do this. Even as I am writing this, my hands are shaking, my mind is racing, and my heart is fluttering. I don't want people to know this side of me. I don't want to let my guard down. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want to be vulnerable. … Continue reading hi, i’m bela.

story of a body.

In crafting the first part of my narrative, I am unsure whether to make it a story about anorexia specifically. While anorexia is a disorder that controlled most of my teenage years and may have left me with permanent health problems, I choose to see it as symptomatic of the complexities of teenage anxiety, the … Continue reading story of a body.

resolve.

Last week I got a new tattoo. Some tattoos I have simply because they are pretty or represent something I like. Other tattoos have deeper, subtler, often very personal meanings behind them. This new ink involved the latter. If you've been reading the blog, or know my story in any capacity, you're aware that I … Continue reading resolve.

neda week.

National Eating Disorder Awareness week (February 25 to March 3) is an interesting time for those of us with eating disorders. A lot of people "come out." A lot of people share recovery stories. A lot of people talk to their friends and family members about signs that they have an ED. A lot of … Continue reading neda week.

resolutions.

It's fairly custom to use the New Year holiday to reflect and set goals for the following year -- with most of the goals revolving around the purpose of becoming a better person. For me this type of reflection occurs everyday, multiple times a day in fact, and not in the most self-loving way. I … Continue reading resolutions.