hi, i’m bela.

I don't want to do this. Even as I am writing this, my hands are shaking, my mind is racing, and my heart is fluttering. I don't want people to know this side of me. I don't want to let my guard down. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want to be vulnerable. … Continue reading hi, i’m bela.

heat.

By nature, I prefer autumn and winter. I like sweaters, fireplaces, halloween, hot drinks, and long-simmered stews. There is something so magical and comforting to me about it. That said, I pretty much feel cold year-round, so I appreciate the spring/summer temperatures wholeheartedly. I like to feel the warmth of the sun. But I like … Continue reading heat.

triggers.

This past week I had a good conversation with someone about triggers and eating disorders. It made me realize (for the umpteenth time!) just how different everyone's journey with an ED can be. There is no one set of symptoms that everyone shares. There is no meal plan that works for everyone. There is no … Continue reading triggers.

the cake.

"She just doesn't like it." These words were said when I passed on a piece of cake at a recent birthday dinner I attended. And to be honest, it's why for years I always stayed home from birthday dinner outings. Recently, I shared -- quite excitedly -- with my husband about how proud I was … Continue reading the cake.

resolve.

Last week I got a new tattoo. Some tattoos I have simply because they are pretty or represent something I like. Other tattoos have deeper, subtler, often very personal meanings behind them. This new ink involved the latter. If you've been reading the blog, or know my story in any capacity, you're aware that I … Continue reading resolve.