keep yourself in love.

I tend to be pessimistic and self-deprecating. I tend to think in terms of "the next disaster." I tend to assume things are going to fall apart. Somewhere along the way, I allowed myself to grow hard. While this attitude isn't a mental illness, it can certainly be exacerbated by having conditions like chronic anxiety … Continue reading keep yourself in love.

slowly.

Slow is a really hard word for me to practice. I like going, going, going -- marking things off, and feeling my anxiety about the once un-did thing dissipate, just to be replaced by something else. Moving cross-country is hard. Starting a new job is hard. These are both very involved processes, where there are … Continue reading slowly.

head meets heart.

Last month was Men's Health Month. Statistically, it is estimated that 1 in 10 men struggle with mental illness. However, men's diagnoses often go undiagnosed, as men are more likely to ignore or downplay their emotional wellbeing, rather than seek counsel and acceptance. The stigma against expressing their deepest feelings is so strong that men choose … Continue reading head meets heart.

time.

I believe that the bravest thing I can do as an anxious person is to be accepting of uncertainty and open to ambiguity. The passage of time and the uncertainty that comes with it is a source of anxiety for many highly sensitive types, myself included. The five-week gap between the end of my spring … Continue reading time.

namaste.

Today, Friday, June 21, is International Yoga Day. It still amazes me how many Christians distrust the practice of yoga -- associating it with paganism and mystery. I've heard no small amount of sermons where pastors freely call out yoga and mindfulness practices as tools of Satan. They automatically assume that by practicing yoga you … Continue reading namaste.

honor.

I started doing yoga a little over a year ago. Before then, I had written off yoga as something that wasn't for me, mostly because the only people I knew who did it were self-righteous chardonnay-drinking soccer moms from my neighborhood. I thought yoga was an inadequate substitute for real exercise, and I was skeptical … Continue reading honor.

heat.

By nature, I prefer autumn and winter. I like sweaters, fireplaces, halloween, hot drinks, and long-simmered stews. There is something so magical and comforting to me about it. That said, I pretty much feel cold year-round, so I appreciate the spring/summer temperatures wholeheartedly. I like to feel the warmth of the sun. But I like … Continue reading heat.

triggers.

This past week I had a good conversation with someone about triggers and eating disorders. It made me realize (for the umpteenth time!) just how different everyone's journey with an ED can be. There is no one set of symptoms that everyone shares. There is no meal plan that works for everyone. There is no … Continue reading triggers.

the cake.

"She just doesn't like it." These words were said when I passed on a piece of cake at a recent birthday dinner I attended. And to be honest, it's why for years I always stayed home from birthday dinner outings. Recently, I shared -- quite excitedly -- with my husband about how proud I was … Continue reading the cake.

story of a body.

In crafting the first part of my narrative, I am unsure whether to make it a story about anorexia specifically. While anorexia is a disorder that controlled most of my teenage years and may have left me with permanent health problems, I choose to see it as symptomatic of the complexities of teenage anxiety, the … Continue reading story of a body.