trust and obey.

When Michael and I moved a few weeks ago, we sold most of our stuff. We kept our books (obvi) and some clothes and kitchen stuff, etc., but we sold all of our couches and chairs and our kitchen table -- so the big stuff. As we're starting to (slowly) furnish the house, it's quite … Continue reading trust and obey.

hi, i’m bela.

I don't want to do this. Even as I am writing this, my hands are shaking, my mind is racing, and my heart is fluttering. I don't want people to know this side of me. I don't want to let my guard down. I don't want to seem weak. I don't want to be vulnerable. … Continue reading hi, i’m bela.

namaste.

Today, Friday, June 21, is International Yoga Day. It still amazes me how many Christians distrust the practice of yoga -- associating it with paganism and mystery. I've heard no small amount of sermons where pastors freely call out yoga and mindfulness practices as tools of Satan. They automatically assume that by practicing yoga you … Continue reading namaste.

honor.

I started doing yoga a little over a year ago. Before then, I had written off yoga as something that wasn't for me, mostly because the only people I knew who did it were self-righteous chardonnay-drinking soccer moms from my neighborhood. I thought yoga was an inadequate substitute for real exercise, and I was skeptical … Continue reading honor.

heat.

By nature, I prefer autumn and winter. I like sweaters, fireplaces, halloween, hot drinks, and long-simmered stews. There is something so magical and comforting to me about it. That said, I pretty much feel cold year-round, so I appreciate the spring/summer temperatures wholeheartedly. I like to feel the warmth of the sun. But I like … Continue reading heat.

triggers.

This past week I had a good conversation with someone about triggers and eating disorders. It made me realize (for the umpteenth time!) just how different everyone's journey with an ED can be. There is no one set of symptoms that everyone shares. There is no meal plan that works for everyone. There is no … Continue reading triggers.

the cake.

"She just doesn't like it." These words were said when I passed on a piece of cake at a recent birthday dinner I attended. And to be honest, it's why for years I always stayed home from birthday dinner outings. Recently, I shared -- quite excitedly -- with my husband about how proud I was … Continue reading the cake.

story of a body.

In crafting the first part of my narrative, I am unsure whether to make it a story about anorexia specifically. While anorexia is a disorder that controlled most of my teenage years and may have left me with permanent health problems, I choose to see it as symptomatic of the complexities of teenage anxiety, the … Continue reading story of a body.

one word.

At the beginning of 2019, my pastor preached a series of sermons that centered around choosing one word to cling to this year. After choosing one word, he encouraged us to choose one Bible verse, one thought, and one statement that were all tied to that one word. I like directed activity, especially as it … Continue reading one word.

hi, i’m muriel.

A note on this work: I have always secretly wanted the experience of sitting in a coffee shop writing a blog post. At the age of 25, I am proud to have achieved that life goal. “Time, as it grows old, teaches all things.” - Aeschylus Stuck in time. Those are the words that intuitively … Continue reading hi, i’m muriel.